Hanging on for dear life

Wow.  I'm really sad today.  This is the week, 5 years ago, that I lost my husband.  I feel like I could jump out of a window, but wait, I can't do that.  I have my Dad aka Pap and li'l Phil my 3 year old nephew to live for.  I spent time with them on Columbus Day having a carb-laden lunch at Bob Evans.  Me and my big mouth - told Phil they had mush there.  Mush is something my mother made on Sundays - mix corn meal and water, let it set, slice it, fry it and pour butter and syrup all over it.  Only problem is Bob Evans doesn't have mush anymore and Phil got it into his li'l head that he WANTED MUSH!  So we ordered him mashed potatoes, told him it was mush, and he was quite pleased.  Being 3 is so awesome - you don't even know what mashed potatoes is yet!  After Phil went home my Dad and I listened to the Four Freshmen and the Beach Boys and cried during the  Bobby Troup song "Their Hearts Were Full of Spring."  Yeah, you got it - a song about a couple who were in love, grew old and died.  My Dad and I cried together cause he misses my mother something terrible and I miss Mr. White (although we never got a chance to grow old together).  Oh by the way, my Mum died 8 months before my husband did, so remembering what was going on 5 years ago is doubly miserable.  Zoom back to thinking about jumping out of a window - no, I think I'll wait a bit for that.  In the meantime, I will look forward to spending days off with my Dad, having a blast with l'il Phil as often as I can, and being grateful for the blessings I have which are many.  Its not easy to stop feeling sad and miserable when you in fact do have some pretty heavy stuff to feel sad and miserable about.  Now I remember that I can chose between feeling miserable and feeling OK.  Besides someone at work just told me I look skinny so I think I'll take comfort in that and move my thoughts from being sad and heartbroken to planning my next low-carb meal and exercising to Fela Kuti music.  Everybody say Yeah Yeah!